God's Design for Marriage

Adapted from: God's Design for Marriage by Sam Holm

Is your marriage ready for Valentine's Day—or does it need more than chocolates and flowers to thrive?

With Valentine's Day approaching, many couples scramble for the perfect gift or romantic gesture. But what if the secret to a thriving marriage isn't found in last-minute tips or clever comebacks during arguments? What if it's about returning to the original blueprint—God's design for marriage revealed in Genesis 2?

The Helper Who Completes You

When God said, "It is not good for man to be alone," He wasn't suggesting Adam needed a clone. The word "helper" in Genesis 2:18 doesn't imply inferiority—it's the same word used to describe God helping us. Your spouse is designed to provide strength in areas where you're lacking, not to be exactly like you.

Think about it: the very things that frustrate you about your partner—how they load the dishwasher differently or approach problems from another angle—might actually be God's provision for your growth. Where you're task-focused, maybe they're relationship-oriented. Where you're analytical, perhaps they're creative. This isn't a design flaw; it's divine intentionality.

This Valentine's Day, instead of wishing your spouse were more like you, ask yourself: "Where does my partner provide strength I don't have?" Acknowledging this can transform frustration into gratitude.

Three Pillars of God's Marriage Design

1. Strengthen Each Other
Marriage isn't about finding someone perfect—it's about two imperfect people complementing each other's weaknesses. The pastor shared how he gets sucked into tasks and to-do lists, completely distracted by everything that needs fixing. But when he rounds the corner and sees his wife reading to their daughter or helping prepare their oldest for winter formal, he's reminded that she provides strength in areas where he's lacking. When you recognize your spouse as God's provision for your growth, you stop competing and start collaborating.

2. Prioritize Each Other
Genesis 2:24 says a man shall "leave his father and mother" and hold fast to his wife. This reordering of loyalty is radical. Your spouse should come before parents, hobbies, even your career.

Ask yourself honestly: What am I prioritizing over my marriage? Is it work? Golf? Social media? God's design places your spouse at the top of your earthly relationships. The greatest gift you could give your spouse this Valentine's Day might not be jewelry or dinner—it might be making them your clear priority again.

3. Bond With Each Other
"The two shall become one flesh"—this speaks to emotional and physical intimacy where you're fully known and fully loved without shame. Genesis 2:25 says Adam and Eve "were both naked and were not ashamed." This vulnerability is God's design: being fully seen, fully known, and yet fully received and fully loved.

True bonding requires creating a safe space where both partners can be completely vulnerable without fear. When intimacy hurts, it's often because one or both people feel they can't be fully seen and fully known while still being fully loved. What would it look like to pursue deeper connection with your spouse this week? Maybe it's as simple as making a list together of fun activities you'd both enjoy—like going on bike rides—and actually doing them.

Hope for Imperfect Marriages

Here's the beautiful truth: none of us perfectly fulfill God's marriage design. We all fall short. But just as God remained faithful when humanity broke the first covenant in Eden, Jesus established a new covenant through His perfect faithfulness.

Your marriage can't be your ultimate hope because two broken people can't keep a perfect covenant. But Jesus can. Where you've failed, He's been faithful. Where you've broken promises, He's kept His. Marriage, as good as it is, can never be our ultimate hope. Every marriage eventually reveals that two imperfect people cannot perfectly keep a covenant—which is why Jesus came.

Take One Step Forward

This Valentine's Day, don't just buy flowers. Choose one area—strengthening, prioritizing, or bonding—and take a concrete step. Maybe it's scheduling a weekly date. Perhaps it's putting your phone away during dinner. Or it could be simply saying, "I see how you strengthen me in this area, and I'm grateful."

Ask the Holy Spirit which area needs attention in your relationship. Then take one intentional step this week to honor your spouse and glorify God. Are you in line with God's marriage design? If not, this isn't about guilt—it's about opportunity.